The send-off menu: what to serve at a wake, and what you’d want at yours

There’s a reason food turns up at almost every wake, in almost every culture. After the service, people want to be together. They want to sit down, tell stories, have a cup of tea or something stronger, and remember. And it’s a lot easier to do all that with a plate in your hand.

The food at a wake isn’t really about the food. It’s about bringing people together, and looking after each other. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be very, very good.

The classic spread

Walk into a British wake and there’s a good chance you’ll find some version of this:

Sandwiches, cut into triangles. Egg mayonnaise, ham, cheese and pickle, and tuna if someone’s feeling adventurous.
Sausage rolls. Always. Ideally warm.
Quiche. A wake staple, sliced into neat wedges.
Crisps and nibbles. In bowls, on every table.
Cake. A Victoria sponge, a fruit cake, a tray of scones with jam and cream.
Tea. Endless, strong, in proper cups if anyone can find them.

There’s even an old saying in the north of England about being “buried with ham”, because a ham tea was the sign of a proper send-off.

Around the world

The table looks different wherever you go, and every version is full of meaning:

In Ireland, a wake often means tea, sandwiches and a steady stream of visitors to the house, with something stronger later on.
At a Jewish shiva, friends bring food to the family’s home, often including round foods like bagels and eggs.
At a Caribbean nine night, you might find curry goat, rice and peas, fried fish, and a lot of music.
In Utah, a cheesy potato bake is so common at funeral lunches it’s simply known as “funeral potatoes”.

Planning funeral food: the practical bit

If you’re organising a wake, here’s what’s worth knowing:

Count heads, roughly. Ask the funeral director, or count the replies. Most people go by the numbers at the service.
Keep it easy to eat standing up. Finger food beats a sit-down meal for most wakes. People want to mingle.
Ask the venue first. Many pubs, clubs and function rooms offer a funeral buffet, which takes a big job off your plate.
Let people help. Friends and neighbours often want to bring something. Say yes.
Don’t forget the dietary bits. A few vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free options go a long way.
Make it theirs. Their favourite cake, their signature dish, the biscuits they always had in the tin. People notice, and it means a lot.

Now, about yours

Here’s the fun part. You get to decide what’s on the table at yours.

Maybe it’s a proper ham tea. Maybe it’s fish and chips from your favourite chippy, eaten out of the paper. Maybe it’s a curry, a hog roast, a table of cheese, or your nan’s trifle recipe finally being made by someone else. Maybe you want everyone to have a pint of your usual and a packet of scampi fries.

Whatever it is, it’s one more way for the day to feel like you. And the people organising it will be very glad to be told.

Where Twentyfive fits

On Twentyfive, you can put your menu right into your funeral wishes. The food, the drinks, and the place you’d want everyone to gather, with your wake location saved too. Your gatekeepers can find it when the time comes, and nobody has to guess whether you were a cheese and pickle person. Share it with the people you trust now, and see who agrees about the sausage rolls. They only see what you choose to share.

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