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You know the moment. It’s Boxing Day, everyone’s full, someone mentions a friend’s funeral, and for a split second there’s an opening. You could ask. You could finally say, “So, Mum, what would you want?” And then somebody asks who wants a Baileys, and the moment’s gone for another year.
Here’s the thing: your parents have probably been waiting for you to ask. Plenty of them have opinions. Strong ones. About the music, the flowers, and which cousin is absolutely not doing a reading. They just don’t want to be the one to bring it up.
So let’s make it easy. For everyone.
The easy way in
This is where Twentyfive comes in. Twentyfive is a life app, not a death app. It’s a place to write down what you’d want, from your songs and your bucket list to your epitaph and your wake, all on one page called your Twentyfive Card, and share it with the people you trust.
Think of it as the conversation starter that does the awkward bit for you. Fill in yours, send it to your parents, and the question stops being “what do you want when you die?” and becomes “what’s your song?”. If they’re up for it, they fill in theirs, you swap, and you become each other’s gatekeepers: the people who’ll share your wishes when the time comes. They only see what you choose to share.
The rest of this piece is how to get the conversation going. The Twentyfive Card is how to keep it going.
Start somewhere fun
You don’t have to open with wills. Open with the good stuff. The questions that get people talking and laughing:
“What song would you want played at your funeral?” (Prepare for strong opinions.)
”What’s still on your bucket list?”
”If you had to sum yourself up in one line, what would it be?”
”Where would you want everyone to go for a drink afterwards?”
”Who in the family would you trust with the playlist?”
These aren’t sad questions. They’re questions about who your parents are, and you might hear stories you’ve never heard before. Half the fun is finding out your dad has had “Boogie Wonderland” pencilled in since 1979.
Pick your moment
The best conversations happen sideways. In the car, on a walk, washing up, at the pub. Somewhere nobody has to make eye contact for too long. A formal “we need to talk” around the kitchen table tends to make everyone nervous.
And you don’t need to cover it all at once. One question on a Sunday walk is a brilliant start.
Go first
The easiest way to get your parents talking is to answer the questions yourself. Tell them your song. Tell them your epitaph. Tell them who’s not allowed near the microphone at yours. Better still, show them. Your Twentyfive Card is a ready-made answer sheet, and a very good excuse to start. It turns it from “we need to discuss your death” into a conversation you’re having together. Which it is.
If they swerve it
Some parents will laugh it off, change the subject or say “I won’t care, I’ll be dead”. That’s fine. Try:
“I know. But I’d like to get it right for you.”
”It’d honestly make it easier for us.”
”Fine. Then I’m choosing the music.” (This one works surprisingly well.)
If it’s still a no, leave it. Come back to it another day. Every conversation makes the next one easier.
Then, when you’re ready, the bigger bits
Once the ice is broken, the practical questions feel a lot less heavy:
Do you have a will, and where is it?
Who would you want making decisions for you if you couldn’t?
Is there anyone you’d want us to tell, who we might not think of?
Burial, cremation, or something else entirely?
You don’t need all the answers in one go. You just need to start.
Where Twentyfive fits
This is exactly the conversation Twentyfive was made for. Fill in your Twentyfive Card: your songs, your epitaph, your bucket list, your wake. Then get your parents to fill in theirs, and swap. It turns a heavy chat into something you can actually do together, a bit at a time, with plenty of laughs along the way.
And make them your gatekeepers. They’re the people you trust to share your wishes when the time comes, and you can be theirs. Have as many as you like. They only see what you choose to share.
You might find it’s the best conversation you’ve had in years.
Quick answers
How do I start talking to my parents about death?
Start with the fun questions, like their favourite songs or what’s on their bucket list. The practical bits come more easily once you’re talking.
What if my parents don’t want to talk about it?
Don’t force it. Go first with your own answers, keep it light, and come back to it another time.
What should I ask my parents about their wishes?
Their songs, where they’d like their wake, who they’d want to be told, and where their will and important papers are.
